38. Spider Fighter

Spider Fighter
Atari 2600
1982

It is a frequently argued bit of science fiction philosophy that life is only made sweet by the foreknowledge that it must eventually end. While I’ve always found that line of thinking to be a load of horsecrap, I have to say that Spider Fighter makes a solid argument in favor of dying for the sake of better living.

The game is, on its face, pretty damn sweet. It is a pretty solid Space Invaders clone that moves at a face-rockingly fast clip. The action is frenetic and engagingly twitchy, and so it takes a while before you notice that the game doesn’t end.

I mean, it CAN end. If you play poorly enough you can run out of lives. However, assuming one is moderately skilled at video games, you will accumulate 1ups at a faster rate than you will die. This is damn shame, because playing the game endlessly means you aren’t playing toward a goal. Your score is meaningless because it can grow as high as you want.

This “play until you get bored” style of play curses Spider Fighter to the same fate as Laser Blast and the crappy Atari version of Asteroids. That’s darn tragic because it would be a wonderful game, one of the best available on the Atari, if only it would kill you properly.

37. Space Shuttle: A Journey Into Space

Space Shuttle: A Journey Into Space
Atari 2600

1983

Like a billion other video games before it, this game is about flying a space ship. However, unlike all those other games, this one attempts to semi-accurately recreate the act of piloting an honest-to-god Space Shuttle, making for a game quite unlike anything else on the Atari.  

Upon first consideration, the Atari 2600 doesn't seem the ideal system for a simulator game.  While I’ve never actually seen a real Space Shuttle piloted, if the films Armageddon and Space Cowboys can be believed, Shuttle operation requires more subtlety than can be provided with a single joystick and a single button.  However, while the Atari’s joystick famously only has one button, the console itself has an assload of extra switches. In addition to a power switch and a reset switch, there is a switch for mode select, a color/b&w toggle, and two difficulty switches, one for each player.  Steve Kitchen, the designer of the game, cleverly appropriates those switches for his own ends, turning them into a status toggle, a primary engine ignition, a secondary engine ignition, and cargo bay doors switch.

Utilizing your bank of switches and your flight stick, Space Shuttle takes you from countdown, to launch, to orbit, and back to Earth.  Each step of the way, you will need to carefully consult the instruction manual for directions on how to safely control the Shuttle on your mission to repair a damaged satellite.  Given the limitations of the system, the game does a marvelous job in providing a Space Shuttle Experience. 

Strictly speaking, this isn’t the funnest game ever made. Making minor adjustments to velocity doesn’t have the same zing as blasting invaders.  I don't care.  It is wonderful.  The point of this game is not to test your skills, but to get lost in the act of make-believe.  To pretend that you are actually an astronaut. Short of something involving dinosaurs, there is nothing I'd rather pretend.  

36. Space Invaders

Space Invaders
Atari 2600
1978

Oh sweet hell yes. After two hard months of playing games like Crystal Castles and Ghostbusters, games that make me want to hate the very concept of the "video game", this, at long last, is my payoff.

Space. Fuckin. Invaders.

The game is elegant in its simplicity:   Aliens want to invade Earth. You are the last line of defense. You have three cannons with which to destroy the invading army, one wave at a time. Although the Invaders are tactically retarded, they have an infinite number of troops to throw at the planet. All it takes is a single slip-up to damn mankind forever. Your mission is simple:  Hold off the Invaders for as long as you can.

The great thing about Space Invaders is that while it is a pretty easy game, you only have to screw up once to end the game.  And as you kill more Invaders, the surviving ones move faster and faster, so that a split-second's slip up will end the game.  The game has a constant  tension built into it, you can never autopilot through.  This tension is why, 30 years after its release, the game holds up perfectly.  

Oh dang, do I love every little detail about this game: I love the sound of the ever-quickening Invader's march.  I love shooting through your shields.  I love killing two Invaders with one shot on the bottom row.  I love that you can  cheat.  

I love the look of the game.  While the game isn’t exactly pretty looking, it sure has got graphical style. Just look at the Invaders: Bicycle Helmet Alien, Billy Crystal from Monsters Inc. Alien, Squiddy Alien, Jumping Jack Alien, Sorta Looks Like a Skull Alien, and Goofy Antennae Alien. They’re all awesome looking!  Also awesome looking: Your shields, your cannon, and the missiles.

And Intended or not, Space Invaders presents a strong artistic statement : The Invaders will never stop. There are no 1 ups. When you fail, and you will fail, the whole planet dies with you. All you can do is hold the monsters at bay for as long as possible before succumbing to inevitable death.  That sort of doomed romance is what I'm all about. 

Space Invaders is one of my very favorite video games, and I mean THIS one, the Atari version.  The game is an arcade port, but to me, it feels less like a port, and more like a full-remake. The graphics are more attractive and the gameplay has been sharpened. The end result is perfection. Without this game, there really isn’t sufficient reason to own an Atari. However, since this game exists, the Atari 2600 is a necessary component of any video gamer’s library.  This was the first perfect video game. 

35. Sky Jinks

Sky Jinks
Atari 2600
1982

Oh Christ!  It’s an overhead remake of Barnstorming!! NOOOOOO!

*SMASHITY SMASHITY SMASHITY*

I feel much better now. 

34. River Raid

River Raid
Atari 2600
1982

I don’t have any idea how a 2600 game this technically advanced can exist. I’ve played enough Atari games recently to know that you can’t have continuous scrolling on this system, and yet River Raid is a top-down vertical shooter in the vein of 1942 or Ikaruga. It is like somebody
stuck an N.E.S. game into an Atari cartridge. Black magic may have been involved.

This technical voodoo nearly hides the fact that this game's protagonist is clearly a bad guy.  You play a jet plane reigning fiery death upon planes, ships, helicopters and bridges.  As long as you fly true and continually steal fuel, you can continue bomb these poor bastards on your sick reign of terror.   All the targets in this game are unarmed, and presumably civilians.   River Raid is the most cruelly immoral mass market game this side of Manhunt.

33. Real Sports: Baseball

Real Sports: Baseball
Atari 2600
1982



Real Sports: Baseball is not a satisfying re-creation of the sport that it seeks to simulate.



Y’know, at this point, I feel I should point out that I’ve never actually gone out and purchased an Atari game. I was an infant during the Industry Crash of 1983, so all my Atari gaming has been secondhand.  Each of the six Ataris that I have owned have been inherited and each came with a box fulla cartridges. I’ve never had to go out shopping for Atari games.

But all of the games in those boxes were, long ago, purchased individually. Somebody, at some point, consciously chose to exchange cash money for each and every one of these games. I get that novelty was a big factor, but I can’t quite grasp why every collection of Atari games consist of such a random grab bag of crap.

Is there a rule written somewhere that dictates that every collection of Atari games must include Pac-Man, at least one unplayable sports game, at least one game you can’t figure out how to play, and two games you can’t figure out why you’d want to play? Was there a time when baseball fans would happily play Real Sports: Baseball because it was the closest simulation of the sport that they could get? And what about me? Why haven’t I thrown away any of these awful games? Furthermore, while I'm asking questions, why did Barnstorming get made?

So many questions, so few answers.

SwordQuest - Fireworld

Atari 2600
Released 1982

The SwordQuest series was a rather novel attempt to break the fourth wall in gaming back in the early 80's. The plan was to release four games, each with a mini-comic included. The entire point of the game was to crack a code that involved the aforementioned mini-comic. You run around a map, and on each screen, you can play a different type of minigame. If you win the game, you supposedly get a piece of the code that points you to specific pages, panels, words and letters within the comic. If you actually decipher the code, you write to Atari, and are registered into a competition to win some game-related jewels (Fireworld's reward was a golden jewel-encrusted chalice if I recall). The fouth and final game in the series would bring back the previous game's winners and have some medallion and sword up as a reward, but regrettably the contest was canceled after the first few games sucked miserably. Legend has it that the final reward is still out there, locked up in a safe somewhere in some former Atari exec's office.

It's essentially pointless to even try to play the game today, but I did anyway, due to my journalistic integrity.
It's bad.
The majority of the games seem to be some sort of "catch the falling crap" variation, and there's also a few "shoot crap" levels. The bizarre thing is, when I actually managed to win one of these minigames, the only thing I got was a small flashing block on the screen. Code my ass.

I suppose this game could be compared to Wario Ware titles today, in that they seem to be a random mash-up of strange half-games. However, Wario Ware at least gives you some idea about what it is you're supposed to do, and whether or not you've done it correctly. I'm still not even sure what causes me to lose most of the games in SQ:FW.
This game is definitely not fun.